Which Online Dating Site to Choose?

If you're thinking about trying online dating, you're probably confused about which dating site to choose.  There are many.  I've tried several and I have definite opinions about them.

I'll start with the sites I didn't like.  First of all, they cost money.  Second, when you sign up there is a very long survey about yourself that is required.  I'm talking about Chemistry.com and eHarmony.com.  Both claim to match you with the people you're compatible with at the deepest level.

I don't mind a little matching help, but I like to be able to search a site and check out the guys I find interesting.  These two sites don't allow you to search but give you a group of matches based on your preferences.  If you like someone, you have to send him questions to answer and then if he's interested, he'll send you questions.  Then you have to send your likes and dislikes.  Then more questions back and forth.  By the time you get to the point you can email, the guy has died of boredom and can't respond.

A couple of sites have worked well for me in that I've been asked on a quite a few dates.  The first one I tried was Match.com.  This site allows you to set up your profile quickly and add pictures easily.  However, everything you write about yourself and your pictures have to be reviewed and approved.  That takes less than 24 hours usually.  You can answer personality questions and Match.com will provide a list of matches for you.  Otherwise, you can search by your own parameters to your heart's content.  Because it also cost money to join, the men MAY be a little more serious about dating, but just a little.

I found out about this site from a man I met on Match.com.  This site is free and is called Plentyoffish. Unlike Match.com, on plentyoffish or "pof" as members call it, you can write anything and post pictures and it shows up immediately without any approval.  Inappropriate pictures may be removed by the site, however.  Most of the men I met were fishing for sex, but there are some keepers on there who truly want relationships. 
No matter what online dating site you decide on, remember what Steve Santagoti says in his book, "The Manual":

• Some men think of you as easy targets because you're desperate enough to look for love on the Internet
• 'Net cruisers are looking for east targets and will put in very little effort-unless they find you extremely hot

Be careful, trust your intuition, listen to your gut feelings and you'll be fine.

Do You Know Your Love Language?

Since my divorce, I've been reading a lot of self-help books in an attempt to learn more about men and what they want.  So when I heard about this book on a local radio talk show, I had to read it.  It's called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.  I love this book and highly recommend it.

Mr. Chapman is not only a delightful person to listen to on the radio, he is the director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc.  In the book, he describes how people express love in different ways.  The five love languages are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.  I see you rolling your eyes and groaning that all men express love by Physical Touch.  Not so! 

My favorite part of reading the book was taking the Profile for Wives quiz in the back.  I learned that I am bi-lingual when it comes to love, meaning I scored equally in Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch.  That means I need to be touched and told in words that I am valued in order to feel loved.

It's SO important to know what your partner needs to feel loved.  You could be burying your loved one in mountains of gifts and his love tank could still be empty because he understands and feels love through Acts of Service.  Buy this book!  It is an easy read and extremely eye-opening.

Ditch the Mom Hair

My hair thinned quite a bit after my second daughter was born 15 years ago. Then I had gastric by-pass surgery two years ago and more of it fell out.  I tried to grow my hair out but it was taking forever.
I discussed some options with my hair stylist, Melissa, at Studio Bodair and she suggested hair extensions.  Melissa uses Socap extensions that are bonded on to your hair with heat.  One of my coworkers had her extensions braided and sewn in and that works quite well too.  Talk to a couple of stylists to find out which product is best for your hair type.

I started with baby steps, getting a few only on the sides. After 6 months or so I was ready to go for the full head of really long extensions. 

When I put pictures of myself with my new long hair on a couple of dating sites, I was amazed at the number and quality of men that were contacting me.  Expect to pay $400-$500 for a full head of extensions, but it is worth it!

The Younger Man

I can be a bit of a cougar. I admit it. Though I thoroughly enjoy men of all ages, the young ones are just more fun. They haven't been beaten down by life and the stress of parenthood. And they have a libido that won't quit.

The night that I debuted my hair extensions, I caught the attention of a 33-yr-old in my singles club. Several days later, he contacted me on Facebook and we started flirting back and forth. Eventually, we exchanged phone numbers. He started texting me every morning when I got to work. When I saw his name pop up on my phone, I smiled. Then he would call me at night and we'd talk for an hour or two. He asked me to meet him on Thursday after work for some drinks and pool.

Thursday morning, he texted and said that he wanted to go to the gym and work out that night so could we meet for dinner on Friday before our singles event? I agreed without showing the extreme disappointment I was feeling. I decided to have a little fun with this fickle man.

I texted him that I was going shopping for some new lingerie at lunch time and promised to send him a picture. That piqued his interest for sure. At the store, I chose a little pink and black number and snapped a picture of it on the rack and sent him a photo. He liked it. Then I casually mentioned that I was a little horny today. He texted back that maybe we should meet tonight after all. Gotcha.

Since he insisted, we met at a bar for drinks and played a couple of games of pool. Afterwards, we had a very deep conversation about his father's death last summer. Then he suggested we go back to someone's house...mine was closer so we went.

The next night, we had a singles club event at a bar to see a local band. We spent most of the time talking to other people. Eventually we danced a little and shared a drink. He asked me to come back to his place and I stayed the night. In the morning when I had to leave, he kept me at the door smothering me with really hot kisses. I told him if he kept that up, I wasn't going to leave. The morning sun was shining through the window and lit up his eyes just so. They were a tender, beautiful brilliant blue. I had fallen. Hard.

He didn't call again until Sunday night and we talked about Monday's singles club event. I knew he was concerned about gossip in the club and didn't like women touching him in public. We didn't talk much that night but I did coax him into playing pool with me.

Monday morning there was no text. In fact, there were no more calls and no texts all week. I was devastated. I sent him an email asking why. He said I was too old for him and he wasn't comfortable with it. It was a very long self-absorbed explanation of how he felt and no apology to me or any acknowledgement of how I might be hurt.

Unfortunately, I am now forced to run into him from time to time at our club events and he doesn't even make eye contact with me. He won't look at me or speak to me. He is truly the rudest person I have ever met.

A Little Self Improvement Never Hurts...Well Almost Never

Back in early 2008, I realized that I was not going to find Mr. Good Enough looking the way I did. I was in my 40's, developing wrinkles, my hair looked awful and I weighed 230 lbs. I had already tried every diet plan and medication out there.

On one of my favorite radio shows in the Twin Cities, "Lori and Julia" on MyTalk 107.1, they raved about Botox and chemical peels. I decided to stick my toe in the water and try it. I went to a dermatologist and tried Botox in my forehead where I had deep horizontal lines and between my eyebrows where I had the "11" wrinkles. The injections were rather painful. I loved the results on my upper forehead. The results of the Botox between my eyes were not so good because I have puffy, slightly droopy eyelids and the Botox caused my eyebrows to droop a bit giving me an angry expression.

When I went back for my follow up appointment, the dermatologist suggested Restylane to fill in the wrinkles that were better but not completely gone. What the heck, I thought. Why not?

Despite the fact that they applied a topical numbing medicine, that was the most painful procedure I've ever experienced. IT HURTS people! Numerous ice bags later, I vowed never to try that one again.

Why So Delirious?

In January of 2008 I was granted my freedom from a marriage that felt like prison. Feelings of joy, comfort, friendship, support and emotional connection were long gone. My ex had angered me to the point that I could barely stand to look at him let alone allow him to touch me. Once when he suggested that we have sex, I literally broke out in hives. Of course, I'm not perfect and I certainly contributed plenty of problems to the marriage. I'm sure my ex is a wonderful person...for someone else.

Having been separated for four months before the divorce was final, I was already testing the waters of the internet dating scene. I couldn't wait to find Mr. Low Key. The good-looking guy who never raised his voice.

Ah, freedom. It was delicious and I was delirious.