In the fall of 2009 a guy contacted me on plentyoffish.com (pof). He was really enthusiastice about meeting me because he thought I was cute and we live close to each other. I said I would meet him but didn't say when because I was also talking to someone else I liked.
After a couple of days, he sent me an impatient message to the effect of "you said you would meet me and it's been several days and you haven't told me when. I guess you're talking to other guys that you like better than me." Sheesh. Red flags were popping up everywhere but I felt guilty too. I promised to meet him so I did.
He was tall, handsome, and not nearly so spastic in person. We had a really nice conversation over coffee and he kept gushing about how beautiful and perfect I was. Who could resist that? He confessed that he had shown my picture to his co-workers because he was so excited to be meeting me. I thought that was a little weird and over the top. He was a very good kisser though.
He then invited me to his house for dinner two days later. When I got home from work, I popped on the computer and quickly checked my messages on all the sites I use, including pof. Then I got ready for the date and went over.
He had a beautiful house that was spotless and decorated to the hilt. The grilled chicken salad he made was actually pretty. And he had a bouquet of flowers for me. I was really impressed. Unfortunately he kept asking me about my intentions on the dating site and was hinting that he wanted me to close my profile. It was only our second meeting and I wasn't comfortable agreeing to be exclusive at that point. I felt pressured and I didn't like that.
When I got home later that night, I wasn't tired so I got on the computer to check my messages again. Apparently, he did the same thing but logged onto pof to check up on me. He could see that I had been on the site right before I went to his house. Then he saw me log on while he was checking on me. That made him really mad and he sent me a nasty email. I was only on pof for less than a minute so I didn't know he had sent me a message.
In the morning I texted him to thank him for a great night and flowers. He didn't respond, which was odd. I tried calling his cell phone and he didn't pick up. I logged on to pof to see what was up and saw that I had a message from him. I read it and tried to reply but he had blocked me!
Eventually he called me back and was very upset. He accused me of being untrustworthy and a liar. He had thought I was so perfect at first and was crushed to find out that I'm human like everyone else. I said I didn't feel that I had done anything wrong. Then he broke down and cried on the phone. That really shocked me.
I felt terrible and asked him to reconsider breaking things off with me. He said he would think about it. After several hours of thinking, he decided that no, there was no way he could trust me enough to have a relationship with me. After the same several hours, I realized that there was no way I could put up with that much insecure and controlling behavior.
I should have known from that first whiney email that he was going to be dramatic and controlling. If I had listened to my gut and said no, a lot of heartache could have been avoided. However, I no longer log onto any dating sites the days that I have dates. I realize that may not look good and may not be very respectful.
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